1. Schneider.
2. Schneider's net men.
3. Schneider's marriage.
4. The extreme emphasis on Bill Clinton's sex life.
5. The lack of emphasis on Bob Dole's sex life.
6. Tangy duck sauce.
7. This.
8. Cats with diarrhea.
9. Differential Equations.
10. Raisins and a toothpick.
11. Mein Schwanz, weil er krank ist.
12. Companies who call you up with a recorded message asking you to hold.
13. People who eat decorative lettuce.
14. The loss of the correct usage of the word "whom."
15. Classrooms which aren't warm enough.
16. The four papers I should be writing right now.
17. People who don't know how to use condoms.
18. Car accidents.
19. The thought of Carsten doing himself irl.
20. Sending your tie dyed briefs through the mail.
21. People in front of me who drive slowly.
22. Tolls.
23. Getting peppers in your calzone when you ask for pepperoni.
24. Italian restaurants that make really bad calzones.
25. Calzones without sauce on the side.
26. European calzones.
27. The name Dicker.
28. Bad Japanese food.
29. Bad Japanese food that results in the double orifice attack.
30. General Education requirements.
31. People who whack printers.
32. People who get promoted for whacking printers.
33. "Who farted?" "No one. That's Leland talking."
34. Ugly kids.
35. The person sitting next to me who smells like a mixture of ass and perfume.
36. The person sitting next to me who is breathing too loudly.

Ilsa's right page is long since gone, unfortunately. A moment for the deceased.

If you have something you would like added to this list, please fill out this form to submit your idea, or just mail me about it. Muchos gracias.

Skip on back to the cereal.